Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
