my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
