47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize