I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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