So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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