We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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