Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
