If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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