Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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