I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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