She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
