This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
