he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
