I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize