Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
