i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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