What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
