My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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