The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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