How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
