It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
