We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
