She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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