..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
