No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
