Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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