and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
