Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
