You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
