The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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