Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
