My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize