LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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