You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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