brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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