Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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