I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
