I didn't shave. On purpose
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
