he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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