protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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