You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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