Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
