I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
