Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
