You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
