You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
