Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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