we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
