I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Randomize