Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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