Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just want to make out with him forever
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
