the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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