Welp...herpes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Still dying that you shit outside
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
