I'll bet she douches with gravy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
