I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
