Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
