About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
