You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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