Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
