u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
