Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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