cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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