I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize