i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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