my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
