i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
