he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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