I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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