Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
