Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
