I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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