Moan for me like Helen Keller
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
