If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
