High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
