They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
