where am i from again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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